End Of The Beginning
by colorinfestation
Summary: It is not the end. It's not even the beginning of the end. But, perhaps, it is the end of the beginning. -Winston Churchill AU. Angst. Romance. Hurt/Comfort. Friendship. She sat there, staring as her blood escaped her wrist. But as she watched, she remembered. / USERNAME PREVIOUSLY LOVEDANCE02
1. Slice

**These chapters are meant to be short, they are memories. Also, whenever I update them, I will try my absolute very best to update in groups, meaning I will write 2+ chapters each time that I update. I can't promise that I will update frequently, but I will attempt it. Those of you who were following TBLTBD, I'm sorry. **

**Disclaimer- I don't own the Mortal Instruments**

**End Of The Beginning**

**Chapter One- Slice**

* * *

I had no idea what I was doing. I just wanted to end it. I wanted to leave the bad memories. I wanted to leave the bad people. I wanted to leave the terrible things that had happened to me. But most of all, I wanted to leave the emptiness that I felt. I felt like this black hole of nothingness had swallowed a part of my soul and that it would never be returned to me. But the part of my soul that had yet to be swallowed was held firmly in my grasp, along with my razor, which I was dragging along my wrist. I winced as I was tiny droplets of blood escape my wrist. I couldn't allow the blade to go to deep.

I didn't know why I didn't have the willpower to end my life, even when what I wanted most in the world was to be free. Maybe it was because of the rare occasions when I was truly happy. Yes, sometimes I would have fun, or even laugh at something that was funny, but was that true happiness? No. True happiness was when I was with _them__._ The boy who I was in love with and my two best friends in the world. The golden boy. The beautiful girl. The geeky nerd. The three people who made me want to stay alive. Yes, I realize that me wanting to stay on Earth was completely and utterly selfish. But I didn't care. I didn't care then, and I don't care now.


	2. The Geeky Nerd

**Disclaimer- I don't own the Mortal Instruments**

**End Of The Beginning**

**Chapter Two- The Geeky Nerd**

* * *

I met him when I was 5 years old. I remember because it was the first day of kindergarten. We played with each other on the playground, in the sandbox. I was trying to dig a hole to China. He said it would go to the bottom of the sandbox.

We have been inseparable ever since.

When we were gym class in sixth grade, he saw my scars. He didn't understand what they were all from. He begged me to tell him the truth, to tell him what happened. I told him that my daddy hit me when I did something wrong, I just didn't tell him that he also hit me when I did something right. The problem was that when I said that, I was a little to loud. One the two bully's' in my class, Sebastian, was running past when I told my best friend. He heard me say that my daddy hit me. Sebastian ran over to his best friend, Jonathon, the other bully, and told him. They both started telling everyone.

That was the first time I cut myself.

In ninth grade, I had scars all up and down my arms, my feet, and my legs, but these weren't from my dad. And he could see that. Everyday he would tell me not to, that I had to stop harming myself, so would Izzy, but she's another story. The only problem was, how could I stop? All these kids would tell me to kill myself. My dad told me I was worthless. My mom was gone. The cutting was my best friend. At least with that, I could watch myself bleed. I could watch as a little of my blood became free, and didn't have to be a part of me anymore.

That was the year that I ate much less.

.

.

.

.

.

His name is Simon.


	3. The Beautiful Girl

**Disclaimer- I don't own the Mortal Instruments**

**The End Of The Beginning**

**Chapter Three- The Beautiful Girl**

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All she wanted was a friend who wasn't a bitch. Somehow, I fit the part. So did Simon, but he's a different story. She wanted a friend who she could take to the mall, someone she could talk about boys with, or even to go to the school dances with. Instead, she got me. The girl who she felt obligated to take care of. Instead of taking me to the mall, she would give me some clothes that didn't fit her anymore. Instead of talking about boys, we would talk about how I needed to tell the police about my father beating me. Instead of going to school dances, we would stay at her house and have a movie night, why would I want to stay want to be around the people who are the reason that I cut myself, part of the reason that I wanted to die?

I met her in eighth grade. All the boys wanted to get in her pants. There had been a day when Simon was sick, and I had been left to fend for myself. Sebastian had me pinned to a locker, while Jonathon had been punching and kicking me, but was also...touching me. We were in a deserted hallway, and I knew that I wasn't going to have any help. As I struggled against Sebastian's hold, Jonathon would say disturbing things, "Do you like it when I touch you there? I know you do, you little slut." When I would say no, he would punch me in the gut. They both would laugh, and make me promises about how one day, they would touch me there, but when I had no clothes on. When I tried to get away, I would be kicked where it hurt. That was when I heard designer heels clacking down the hallway. "Oh my God! Sebastian, Jonathon, get away from her before I kick you where the sun doesn't shine!" The two boys backed away slowly. "Why are you protecting the little slut? She was practically begging us to touch her." With that they walked away, and I fell to the ground, sobbing. _Why me? Why me, why me, why me?_"Are you okay?"

That night, I slept at her house.

I was in tenth grade. After a heavy beating from my father the previous night, I had spent my Friday at school. I couldn't wait to stay at her house that night. It seemed that Friday nights my father left me alone. Why, I have no idea. I deserved it then, I deserve it now. But either way, after school, I had been walking home to collect the things that I needed to stay the night with. While I was walking down an empty street, I felt an arm curl around my waist. "Didn't think that we would fulfill our promise, did you, slut?" I couldn't breathe. This was happening. This was actually happening. Sebastian and Jonathon dragged me down an alleyway, and discarded my clothes.

xXx

Once they left, and once I had stopped sobbing, I found my pants and dug in the pocket, pulling out my old my old flip-phone. 23 missed calls, 21 messages, and 32 texts, all from her. I called her and explained what happened, and told her where I was. After hanging up, I pulled on my clothes, and waited for her to come get me.

That was when I truly started to hate myself.

I had no idea why she had taken me under her wing. In what world does the beautiful swan protect the injured crow?

.

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.

.

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Her name is Isabelle.


	4. The Golden Boy

**TOLD YOU UPDATES WERE GOING TO BE INFREQUENT MWAHAHAHAHA. But for real, sorry guys.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own the Mortal Instruments**

**End Of The Beginning **

**Chapter Four- The Golden Boy**

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He was Izzy's adoptive brother. I met him 6 months later, in July. It was my birthday, which just so happened to be on a Friday, so though I hadn't been beaten that day, I still had plenty of bruises and scars, all over my body. And freshly opened cuts on my wrist, though I don't like to talk about those. Not that I liked to talk about any of the markings on my body, but all my self-inflicted injuries were... embarrassing, I suppose. It was selfish of me, to have happiness. Well, not happy exactly, but not as sad.

Izzy had invited Simon and I over to her house for a birthday party that she was throwing for me. I was appreciative that my two friends cared so much about me, but I was still just a burden. At least that's what I thought, whereas Simon and Izzy would beg to differ. But back to where I was, which was on the steps of the front door of my best friends home. Before my fist was halfway to the door, the handle turned from the inside, and the wall moved. I was met with the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen.

His eyes, God, his eyes, were an almost unnatural shade of gold, though you could tell that he wasn't wearing contacts. And his hair, holy fucking shit, his hair was a golden mess of curls on top of his head that all I wanted was too run my fingers through. And his smile could have lightened up the sky. He was perfect, except for the small chip in his tooth, the only thing that could assure me that he wasn't and angel.

"Hello? Are you Clary? I'm Jace, Izzy's brother. She's really excited for you to get your ass in the house and celebrate you. Happy birthday, by the way. The big 1-6." He -Jace- laughed. It was nice to see someone smile at me, not one that was full of pity, but actual happiness. "Oh, um... Yeah, I'm Clary.. and thank you. Can I, uh, come in?"

"Yeah, definitely." He moved aside, and let me in the door. "Here, come in."

"Okay." I walked in the door, trying not bump into him, since anything that I touched was destroyed. I wouldn't allow myself to hurt perfection.

xXx

"Happy birthday, Clare-bear."

"Thank you." Though I only had 5 friends (Izzy, Simon, Izzy's parents, and Alec, Izzy's brother), I must have heard the words 50 times that day, though each time I heard the words a smile was brought to my face. Before I know what was happening, two hands covered my eyes. It could only be Simon, or- "Jace, what are you doing?" I questioned.

"I have a surprise for you. I'm going to guide you, so just let me lead you."

"Okay." He led me to what I could only assume was the back door, and to the backyard. After that, I had no idea. I couldn't see, after all. Finally, he removed his hands from my eyes. "Happy birthday, Clary." As I looked around, I saw a gorgeous meadow, full of beautiful purple flowers, and bright pink roses. I turned around to look at the boy who led me here. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth, but I made the motion with my lips. _Thank you. You welcome._ And before I could process what was happening, he pulled me into his arms, and buried his face in my hair. "You don't know how long I have wanted to do this, Clare." I looked up at my new found friend. "What do you mean?"

"Clary, I've known you for years, you just didn't realize that I was watching you. When Jonathon and Sebastian would hurt you, I would hurt them. The day that they.. that they... raped... you, I almost killed them. And when they found out about your father and told the whole school, I thought that I would be sent to jail for murder. Clary, I've been watching you for years, and I know that this is going to sound like an insane, crazy, insane lunatic, but I love you, Clarissa Morgenstern. I know that you can't say it back yet since you probably didn't know that I existed until about two hours ago, but I hope that one day you'll be able to say that back to me. I love you, Clary. I love you."

* * *

It was three months later that we had our first kiss. It was five months later that I could say that I loved him too.

* * *

**Hey guys! The next chapter will most likely be about the Clace kiss and the saying of the "L" word, on Clary's behalf. I would write more, and I feel shitty leaving you guys with a somewhat cliffhanger, but it is 3 am and I am watching Kyle XY at my best friend's house. So that is my excuse for leaving you at a cliff hanger, because you know, I can be a bitch like that. And I am rambling and I bet nothing that I am saying (typing?) makes any sense. Later guys! See you next time!**


	5. AN?

**Hey guys! This is just an AN, so sorry if you were expecting another chapter! Don't get me wrong when I say that I want to finish this story, I do, but I just can't write it. I try to, and I'll tell myself over and over again to work on it, but it just never happens. I'll sit at the computer for an hour and get 3 sentences down. I want to be able to finish it but I just don't think that will happen. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone, that was not my goal. If I ever find myself updating this fic, then cool, but don't count on it. Sorry. **

**But, more exciting news is I'M WRITING ANOTHER STORY CALLED GROWING UP. GO READ IT PLEEEEAAAASSSSEEE!**

**Seriously please go read Growing Up. I like it way more than End of the Beginning, or To Be Loved Is To Be Destroyed (for those of you who were here when _that_ shit went down) and I'm so excited yet really nervous for you guys to read it. Please review it to! **

**I love you all!**

**Jo**


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